Accepting I'm No Superstar

Sometimes admitting weakness is really hard. Especially when your life is great and you don't want to feel like you're complaining. I hope this doesn't come across as complaining. I love my life. I have a great husband and I have wonderful kids. We have been blessed beyond measure. I am a lucky lady! But, even the luckiest of us have troubles.

For the past year in a half I have felt trapped in someone else's life. All of a sudden the happy I felt seemed overtaken by sadness, worry, and anxiety. The happy was still there, but for some reason I have had to make the effort to uncover it. It. Has. Been. Hard. And, I think the hardest part was not being able to give it a name. By name, I mean a reason. Why was I feeling this way?

Lately, I have been able to feel the fog in my brain starting to lift. Mostly because I have the energy to lift it now. Before, it just seemed too much. The thought of figuring out the "why" was so overwhelming, I just wanted to go to sleep- well, I just wanted to sleep all the time, period. The thought of doing ANYTHING was overwhelming. The name I have given my situation is depression. I'm pretty certain what I have been feeling is a type of depression. And I think it all started with having a baby.

I have always had a little depression with my kids, but I have always been able to overcome it pretty quickly. I was back to my "normal" self in a few months. So why was this baby different?

After I had Britten, we sold our house of 13 years. We moved into a new house. I was now surrounded by people I didn't know and they didn't know me. I think all the change at once was too much for me. I couldn't handle it. I was clearly not the superwoman I thought I was. This has been hard to admit. Not because I think I'm so great, I know I'm not. But, because it would mean I needed help. I like knowing I can do things for my self.
 I have come to realize I am not getting out of this blackness by myself. I'm beginning to realize that's okay. It was lonely when I was fighting alone. In fact it got me nowhere. I was completely unsuccessful. Once I opened my mouth and heart, and was honest, I had the help I needed to start seeing through the sadness, worry, and fear. It has been awakening!

What a blessing it has been to realize I don't have to do anything alone; I'm no superhero. What a lesson! We are on this earth to help each other. Asking for help doesn't equal weakness. Asking for help means you recognize the strength that can be found when you let someone walk your journey with you.



Birthday Interviews for Kate, Aaron, Becca, & Grace

We'll just say I'm a tad behind...lol. Okay, A LOT! Kate's birthday was in May! But, better late than never!

I can't believe this girl is 10!! Almost 10 1/2! She is such a great girl. She is my most affectionate child. She loves to be hugged, kissed, or tickled. She is a big help with the baby and is our go to girl to bathe him. She is smart and is a great speller! She has gotten 100% on all of her pre-tests in Spelling and has yet to take a test! She loves to be active and wants to be doing something. Her normal wake time is 6:30 am. Yes, she is our early riser! One of her best qualities is that she is friendly. She loves to be with friends! We love you Katie Bug!

Kate's Interview

Favorites

color: red

food: pizza

 subject in school: math

candy bar: Kit Kat

book: Among the Hidden

tv show: Survivor

movie: Harry Potter series

fruit: banana

vegetable: broccoli

chore: sweep

 I asked her three questions. 

1) What would you do with a million dollars? He answer was, "I would make the first Lego phone." This girl LOVES Lego's!!

2) If you could do something nice, what would you do and who would it be for? She answered, "I would clean the house for you!"

3) What do you want to be when you grow up? She wants to be a cowgirl or a cop.

 

Aaron is absolutely our biggest helper. He always wants to be doing something. And he loves doing it with his dad! He's Dustin's little- well big, he's about 5'8 now- sidekick. He's a smarty pants too. He's pretty much had straight As all of his school years. I made him take some honor classes this year- and he is doing great ( he should have been all along, but I get tired of fighting about it). Aaron is someone who sticks to his guns. A great quality, but sometimes...it's hard to convince him once his mind is set on something. I love watching my teenagers grow no matter how much we might fight about things at times. Aaron is responsible and will always do what he says he will. He will do random acts of kindness and I love that about him! You don't have to usually ask him to do something. He sees the need and just does it!! He's 15 and I can't believe it!!

Aaron's Birthday Interview

Favorites

color: blue

food: steak

subject in school: gym

candy bar: Take 5

book: none (he doesn't like reading)

tv show: Psych

movie: Guardians of the Galaxy

fruit: apple pears- they're a real fruit!

vegetable: green beans

chore: none

What would you do with a million dollars?
His answer, "Go on an exotic hunt." Not sure what he'd do with the rest.

2) If you could do something nice for someone, what would you do and who would you do it for?

 Answer: "I would play with Britten."

3) What is your future job? He wants to be a Fish & Game Warden.

Holy cow, this girl!! Becca is 9!! And she is too much all of the time!! But, we lover her. The other night the missionaries were over for dinner. She had them laughing. One elder finally asked, "Where do you get your big personality from?!" Her answer was, "My dad." It's true. She is the female version of Dustin. She is wild, she is crazy, she is fun! I would describe Rebecca as light. You never see her sad. She loves people. She loves the spotlight. This has helped her in all of her talents. She excels in school, loves to sing, and we recently discovered she's a pretty darn good soccer player! The sport is perfect for her! She is so energetic and it comes out on the field. We love you Becca!! Life would certainly be dull without you!

Becca's Interview

Favorites

color: teal

food: : "yellow rice"- it's a cheesy rice

subject in school: handwriting- she's learning cursive this year

candy bar: twix

book: the Dork Diaries series

tv show: Livi and Maddy

movie: Frozen

fruit: pineapple

vegetable: broccoli

chore: sweep

1) What would you do with a million dollars?  She would buy anything she wanted!

2) If you could do anything nice, what would you and who would you do it for?

Answer: "I would buy flowers for Mrs. Chapman because she's always so nice to me!" Mrs. Chapman was her 2nd grade teacher and is amazing. She deserves flowers!

3) What do you want to be when you grow up? She would be a veterinarian, or a cop.

I'm not sure what it is, but when my kids turn 13, my heart breaks a little. I love that they are growing up, I do. But, it just seems it's all flying by! Grace is 13!! I have three teenagers!! But, they are great teenagers. They have their own minds and need convincing, but most of the time they are totally obedient and respectful. Grace is my most responsible child. She seldom forgets a thing. She is sweet, loving, and kind. We have had a few moments with her response to people when she feels she is being picked on, but she is working on it and doing great! She really does want to be the best her possible. And I love that about her! She works hard in school and her grades show it! She is mad when she gets a B. Her goal is to attend BYU-I, so I told her she would need to work hard. She is Britten's second mom- great and annoying all at the same time, but I'll take the bad with the good any day! She loves babysitting and is really good at it. She used to be my "shy" kid, but has totally turned that around!! It's been great to witness! We love you, Grace!

Grace's Interview

Favorites

color: turquoise

food: hot wings

subject in school: math

candy bar: Symphony (no nuts)

book: The Falling Stars series

tv show: Spongebob ???

movie: Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events

fruit: strawberry

vegetable: carrot

chore: clean the family room

1) What would you do with a million dollars? She would save it. Yes, yes she would!! That girl is a saver!

2) If you could do something nice for someone, what would you do and who for? 

Answer: "I would feed the homeless." LOVE!

What do you want your future job to be? She still would like to move to Paris and open a doughnut shop.

I love my kids!!!