November 16th is my wedding anniversary. A happy day for me. 12 years ago, November 16, 2003, was a different story.
Two days before, I had just got word that my dad was put in the hospital for dehydration. My father had been fighting cancer for 5 months. Two of my brothers, a sister-in-law, and I decided to make a quick trip from Salt Lake City to Vegas and surprise him. As I packed for that "quick" trip, I heard a voice tell me that this would be the last time I would visit my dad. The thought was not pleasant and I pushed it out of my head, thinking I was overreacting. I finished packing and waited for my brother, still thinking about the voice. He pulled in the driveway around 10 pm. ( yes, we were leaving that late!)
We arrived early in the morning of November 15th. I don't remember who let us in and I honestly don't recall ever falling asleep. I do remember getting to the hospital pretty early, so maybe we went straight there. My dad was in bad shape. He was bleeding internally because a blood clot had passed in his colon -he was suffering from colon cancer. While passing, it ruptured. They told us they were going to do surgery to stop the bleeding. We were all nervous. He was admitted for dehydration and we were expecting him to come home, but it didn't look like that was going to happen for a few days.
Pretty soon, the doctor returned. He asked us all to follow him. Those of us there were pulled inside a room. Something was wrong. They continued to explain that the bleeding was too great. If they cut my dad open, he would bleed out on the table. He would not survive the surgery. They told us they could try to keep him alive until all of our family got there. We were spread in 3 states! It would take a while.
I called Dustin. I told him to get the kids in the car and get to Vegas as fast as he could. I let him know what the doctor had said. He said, "Okay." He was on his way.
My dad was in the ICU. They had him in an induced coma so he would not be in any pain. His belly was big and swollen from the bleeding. It's hard to see someone you love in such a state. That tube down his throat did not look comfortable. I wanted him to be comfortable. The room was quiet, The beeping of his machines kept the awkwardness at bay. No one was talking. I'm not sure who was in the room with me, we were only allowed a few in at a time because he was in the ICU. We must have caught some one's eye because soon one of the nurses was letting us all in at the same time. She knew she was breaking the rules, but I think she sympathized with us. She shared our religion and knew how important it would be for us all to be there with our father as he was given a blessing and would soon slip through the veil.
Those we were waiting for arrived in groups. With each group she would sneak everybody in, even our little ones. With each group his heart rate would drop. We knew he was hanging on and fighting. My brother from Kansas City was the last to arrive, his heart rate was now around 50. It was almost 10 pm- twelve hours later!
My brother, Mike, gave him a blessing of release from this life. We all say our goodbyes. As I tell him goodbye and that I love him, I can see tears coming from his eyes. He could hear us! He knew we were all there. He knew we loved him! When everyone was finished- all 40 of us- my mom signed the papers to take him off of life support. It was not easy for her.
We all stood quietly as we watched him. We watch his heart rate. It falls lower. I don't remember how long, or how many breaths, but it took longer than I thought it would. Soon he was gone. We left his body in that cold room. He would not be coming home. He was already home.
We gathered in a waiting room for quite a while, just talking. It had been a very long day.We eventually leave. We now had a funeral to plan. The whole process would take a week. Everyone traveled to Arizona for his burial.
I was reading the program and noticed that it read: April 12, 1937 - November 16, 2003. I did not want to share that date with my father's death! What an awful thing to have to remember every year on your wedding anniversary. This made me sad, but also mad. My mind started to think about all that had just taken place. Soon, my heart was being softened.
While my father was dying, I was a witness to several tender mercies of the Lord. 1) It was the Holy Ghost that whispered to me, letting me know my father would be passing away. 2) We were blessed with a kind nurse who knew and understood what our family needed. She put all 40 of us in the room! 3) I did not have to wonder if my father heard my final words that I whispered to him. He let us know he could hear us by the tears running down his face. 4) My father was allowed to stay until we were ready to let him go.
Yes, November 16th has a sad part to it, but I choose to remember the good. It is the day when my family started. But, it is also the day that I absolutely understood that my Forever Family was, indeed, forever.
For our anniversary Dustin made reservation to The Roof. It is a restaurant that sits right next to the Salt Lake City Temple. The view is amazing! It was a great night!
