Marriage Advice

The other day, I received a message on Facebook from one of my Laurels I had taught quite a few years back. In it, she was thanking me for a note I had written before she was married.You see, I was Laurel adviser for over 6 years. One of our yearly activities was to create a marriage time capsule. We would shop for wedding dresses, pick wedding colors, we even made some scrapbook pages where they could add their pictures. I also put in a poem my mom wrote titled, "Prince Charming." The last thing I put in was a note to each girl with my words of wisdom on being married- this makes me chuckle because I was still new to marriage!! 

This got me thinking what else I would tell them now that I have been married for almost 17 years. Honest, I'm not sure I remember what I wrote the first time. I know that there are many more qualified to give marriage advice out there, but I do have a few years and learning experiences under my belt. I think I can share what I have learned. These are in no particular order, but the first REALLY is my #1!

1. When you are mad at your spouse, do something kind for him. I can't tell you how many times this has changed a bad situation to a good one. I can also remember the first time I tried it. Dustin and I had a fight and I was so angry. It was right before church (nice, I know). He hurried to get in the shower. We were running late because of the argument. I was tempted to leave him and just go without him. The thought came to my mind to iron his shirt. I was like," WHAAAT?" I did it anyway. That one small act calmed my anger and took it away. I still do it today.

2. Talk to your spouse the way you want to be talked to. Nobody likes to be talked down to, yelled at, or even called names. When you are first married, it's hard to believe it will even happen, but sometimes we lose control and regret the things that come out of our mouths.

3. Take an interest in what your spouse likes to do. Do you really think I love the whole hunting thing? No, but it's important to Dustin, so it should be important to me! My husband is an avid TV watcher. I would rather do something more active, but at night he likes to veg. He likes it when I'm right next to him! I love seeing him happy!

4. Have date nights! The time Dustin and I spend together without kids is priceless to me! He really loves being with our kids, so I know he does it more for me. He knows that during the day I don't get much adult interaction, so he will ask me out on a date. I love it! It is also a time for us to remember why we love each other.

5. Make cell phones off limits at night. We are still working on this. I feel it takes time from what would be communicating time and reconnecting time.

6. Learn to make goals together. It creates unity in your marriage. This is a hard one for us, as Dustin thinks goals are stupid.....

7. Learn to take criticism. We are not all perfect. We all realize this once the honeymoon is over. In order to live without killing each other, you are going to have to know what you do that bothers your spouse. It doesn't mean he hates you, but if it's a big problem you are going to have to make some changes.

8. I would follow #7 with, DON"T LET EVERYTHING BOTHER YOU!!!!!! We do not wash the dishes the same, we do not put toilet paper on the same way,  we don't cook the same, we don't clean the same, we don't do laundry the same BECAUSE we are NOT the same!!!! Get over it!!!!

9. Read and pray together. If you're not super religious, meditate together. Quiet time, is great time!!

10. Be willing to admit you're wrong. I will admit this is my weakness! I'm terrible!!! Dustin is always the first to apologize. The few times I've swallowed my pride, it made the situation a whole lot better.

11. Be merciful and kind with one another. We all have weaknesses we need to work on and don't need someone always pointing them out. Have a little mercy and learn to dwell on what you love about your spouse instead.

 I could probably keep going, but I won't. I'll add more in another 10 years. I'm pretty sure I'll have learned a whole bunch more. That's the beauty of marriage. Through it, you continue to learn and to grow. That's it's purpose!!