This post has been on my mind lately. A few things have sparked it. I thought maybe I should write my feelings before I'm right smack in the middle of dating teenagers. It is SUPER long. Sorry.
How many of us remember being fifteen? I know I do. I turned fifteen my 9th grade year. It was my favorite school year. I loved Jr. high. I had my first boyfriend. Joey. He was one of my best friends... until we became a couple. Then something happened and we never talked to each other until my senior year of high school. That still makes me sad.
I turned sixteen my sophomore year. This was exciting because now I could "officially" go on a date. And I knew who I wanted that first date to be. I had seen him at Seminary registration. He was wearing a blue suit. He had blonde hair and blue eyes. I didn't know his name, I had never met him before, but I remember my heart stopping when I saw him. How lucky was I to walk into seminary on my first day and see that he was in my class. I learned his name was Brad.
Brad and I became friends and eventually started dating. We dated our sophomore year without any hitch. Things were fine the start of our junior year until his parents decided we were too serious. They decided we could no longer date. I was mad, but we'd show them. We may not have gone on any dates after that, but we were still together at school. This continued until the summer. I decided I couldn't take it anymore and ended things. Holy cow that was hard. But being with him made me so sad.
The beginning of my senior year, I met Daniel. We both loved volleyball. I met him at one of my high school games. We were playing his high school. The announcer was reading our starting line-up. When my name was called, two boys- that I had never met- stood up and started cheering. I remember thinking, "Do I know them?" I would later, after the game, find out their names were Daniel and Andy.
The game was over. My dad came and picked me up. We went to the store. I remember we bought some cereal.
We pulled up in the driveway and guess who was waiting outside? (I don't think my mom would let them in the house) Daniel and Andy. That was a little scary to me. I hadn't even mentioned where I lived. Come to find out, Daniel knew a friend of mine. She told them where I lived. From that moment on I could probably count on 1 hand the number of times Daniel and I had been apart. Now don't get me wrong, the next year would bring lots of drama. My senior year I bounced between Brad and Daniel as boyfriend and friends. And drama. Lots and lots of it. But it ended with me being with Daniel.
After high school, I moved to Utah. Daniel was my boyfriend, but he was also my best friend- we were never apart. It was hard having a long distance relationship. Especially for me. I was trying to figure out what I wanted, while being attached to someone. I learned that doesn't work. You're only left with two broken hearts.
In all the midst of me trying to figure things out, I answered a phone call. Now, I lived with my brother in Utah. The call was for him. It was a young man wanting to talk to him about their basketball game. I told him he wasn't here and that I would have my brother call him when he returned. 10 minutes went by. Rrring. It was the same young man wanting to talk to Mike, my brother. I again told him he wasn't home yet and that I would have him call him. This repeated for at least 3 times, all in about 30 minutes time. I was quite annoyed!
Mike came home and the first thing out of my mouth was, "Mike, a Dustin Merritt really needs you to call him about basketball." I was kind of laughing because I thought the guy was crazy.
My sister-in-law, Laura, said, "Oh, Larae. We should set you up with Dustin. He's really nice." I was thinking no way, no how! I think I even used the word "annoying" to decline.
A few weeks went by, Daniel was getting ready to leave on his mission. I was feeling pretty sorry for myself. Mike asked me to tag along on a combined young Men and Young Women's ice skating activity. I said sure. That night, February 14th, I met Dustin. I remember thinking this guy has poofy hair. And he doesn't have blue eyes. Nope. I can't date this guy.
Dustin asked if he could take me home. I said sure. We talked a little. When I got out he asked if I wanted to go do something on Saturday. I told him how I couldn't because my boyfriend was leaving on his mission and it was his mission farewell. He seemed cool with it and asked about the weekend after. I said sure. After all, it would occupy my time while I waited for Daniel to come home. On February 24th, we had our first date.
The date went well- I didn't even notice his poofy hair by the end of the night. He asked about going to a fireside the next evening. I agreed. A few days later he took me to a Jazz game. We were never apart from that moment on.
Dustin was very respectful of the fact that I had a boyfriend. He waited for things to resolve with Daniel. Things got kind of crazy for a little while, but he was patient. And after only knowing each other for 6 months, we were engaged. Married after 9 months! So crazy!!
You might be wondering what this post is all about. It's all about dating teenagers and the song, Fifteen by Taylor Swift. I could write the whole song, but I won't. Just the few lines that resonate so well with me:
'Cause when you're fifteen and somebody tells you they love you
You're gonna believe them
When all you wanted was to be wanted
Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now
Back then I swore I was gonna marry him someday
But I realized some bigger dreams of mine
I didn't know who I was supposed to be at fifteen.
So what am I going to talk to my kids about when they talk about boyfriends and girlfriends? This song. And I will let them read this very long, detailed entry. And I will let them know that I told two other boys that I loved them and how it breaks my husband's heart that I did. He has only ever told me that.
I want them to know that they will certainly care for others. I cared deeply for Brad and Daniel, but those feelings were very different than the way I feel about Dustin. The feelings I felt for them were very immature, not because of our age, because it never had the time, or experience, it needed to become love. Love is hard work. And love is not selfish.
I will let them know that I felt the same thing they are feeling. That I've been through it, and that I wish I would have done things differently. Not for just me, but for all involved. Even though I didn't see it back then.
I look back at how I felt about Dustin from that phone call and my first judgments about him. If you would have told me that I would have fallen madly, and completely, in love with him, I would have laughed. That I would one day love to rub my fingers through his poofy hair and love how soft it is. That I would love his passion for getting things done and admire him for it, even if it's a little OCD at times. I would have laughed harder and louder! I think I'm still amazed by it- and a little annoyed.
And when you are annoyed, but can still be amazed and knocked off your feet, even after 15 years... my friends, that is true love.
