Every year I come up with a word. This word is to remind me what I want to work on through the year. I have goals this year, I do. But, my biggest goal of all this year is to remember who I am.
The other day as I was getting ready for church, a memory came flooding back to me. Now, my mind does this quite often. I have an extremely short short-term memory- two shorts are needed because I forget. A lot. Because of this, things come rushing into my head in a panic-like fashion. There is always a sense of urgency. This is what happened that Sunday. Only, it wasn't something recent I had forgotten, it was from 20 years ago.
When I was going through the Temple for the very first time, Dustin and I had a minute to talk. He said, "Do you know what my mom just told me?" I shook my head. I wasn't paying attention- hello, there's all this incredible beauty around! I'm not paying attention to anything! He pulled me close and said, "She just told me that when you came into the room, she felt like if Christ had a sister, she would be just like you." My eyes got huge! What a compliment! Of course, when someone pays you such a compliment, what's the first thing we do? We don't believe it. We try to cast it aside as totally false. That's exactly what I did that day, 20 years ago. That's exactly what my mind did just recently. I thought she was crazy then and I still think it's a crazy comparison now. But, this time my mind did something else. I stopped for a moment and dwelt on that thought. And as I thought and questioned, all of a sudden a light bulb went off! And after the light bulb, a rush of warm fuzzies. My spirit loudly whispered to me, "You are Christ's sister! You have the same Father He does. You are made up of the same stuff! You are DIVINE!"
Now, before you think that I was never taught this, I was. I heard this my whole years in Young Women's. Divine Nature happens to be one of the values. It's color is blue. I remember it all. But, somehow, it has never sunk into my brain the way it did a few days ago. To actually take time to dwell on the thought that I was a sister to Jesus Christ really changed me. And, it challenged me.
It challenged me to remember that I am someone DIVINE. That deep within me there lies qualities that are sleeping. My job on this earth is to wake them up! And I'm going to start doing it.
My first quality I have been working on is compassion. I'll be honest, I thought that was going to be my word for the year. I have been working on this for a little over a month. It all started in November when the church changed it's policy about children of gay parents. After I did the whole social media debates, I finally knelt down to ask how this is to affect me. The answer surprised me a bit, but it was very clear. My Heavenly Father reminded me that I knew what was right. I know why He has a prophet. But, then He asked something of me. He asked if I could just be compassionate. I thought about it and realized in all the wanting to be right I had most certainly thrown compassion out the window. Not on purpose! But, I had. So I promised I would work on it. And I have.
I'm not sure what my next quality will be. My goal is I will be doing the things I should, so it can be revealed to me. Right now, I'll just keep reminding myself I'm DIVINE and I can be compassionate. I guess if those are the only things I improve on this year, that's enough. But, I hope not. I hope I can find those things deep within that will enrich my soul and make me who I can be.
