I knew I would teach my children to accept everybody. I knew this long before they were here. I knew by personal experience. I wish I could say it was because someone was awful to me, but I can't. It's the exact opposite.
When I was in the 6th grade, I was pretty popular. I wasn't the most popular- that would be my best friend- but I was well liked and had a lot of friends. I had known these kids since 2nd grade after all.
These girls and boys were extremely nice. I have some really good memories of my life at Hazel Grove. I do, however, have one memory I'm not so proud of. I can say, though, this experience taught me an important life lesson. And it has stuck! I decided then- almost 22 years ago- that I would accept everyone, and my kids would accept everyone.
When I was in the 6th grade, I was pretty popular. I wasn't the most popular- that would be my best friend- but I was well liked and had a lot of friends. I had known these kids since 2nd grade after all.
These girls and boys were extremely nice. I have some really good memories of my life at Hazel Grove. I do, however, have one memory I'm not so proud of. I can say, though, this experience taught me an important life lesson. And it has stuck! I decided then- almost 22 years ago- that I would accept everyone, and my kids would accept everyone.
The experience:
There was a girl named Angela. She did not have many friends. She had red hair, was chubby, and she never wore in-style clothes like the rest of the group (neither did I, I was the exception). This group of about 10 girls had decided she was not cool and worthy of our torment. Mean tricks were played on her, bad words were said to her, and I remember her being hit with a tether ball multiple times, on purpose! We were not nice. I remember chasing her and yelling things to her. I don't remember what was said as we were running, but I can see it in my head. Can you imagine being this girl? You are 1 person and have a group of 10 running after you?! It is this moment that changed me.
We were running after Angela. She had no where to go. All of a sudden she turned and ran under the big tree by the hill that you walked up after coming from lunch. She was cornered! No escape.
We ALL went barreling after her. But all of a sudden Jenny stepped out in front of Angela with her arms stretched out to protect her. She stood between us. She yelled something like this, "You guys are all mean! Leave her alone!" Jenny didn't back down. She stood there until we left.
As I walked away, a feeling of guilt started to overwhelm me. The thought came, "You know better than this. You should've been the one to stop them." I looked back at Jenny. She was still with Angela, making sure she was okay.
Jenny used to be my best friend. She was the first person who talked to me in 2nd grade. I instantly had a new friend. She protected me and made me feel comfortable. I remember having a bazillion sleepovers at her house and going to the video store with her mom to pick out movies. I road my first roller coaster with her at Worlds of Fun. So many fun memories, but now we barely talked to one another.
On that day I decided I would be more kind. I would like to say that I stood up to that group of friends, but I didn't. I did choose not to take part in the meanness. Unfortunately this was at the end of the year. I wish it had happened sooner. I would like to think I would have gotten the strength to apologize to Angela. I never did. It is a regret I hang on to.
In hopes to make up for it, I have stressed the importance of being kind and being a good friend to my own children. I believe they live this principle. They have a tender heart for those who feel left out and try to include everyone. They are not always perfect, especially with each other, but I have witnessed how they treat others outside my home.
I have had the opportunity to watch this play out in Ryan's life. He entered jr. high. I wasn't worried because he has a lot of friends. But what surprised me was how some of these friends changed. It was hard to hear of friends not standing up when they should have, or maybe believing others opinions about Ryan that were not true. Thankfully it has all been worked out. All is as it was before. But I will admit, my heart hurt for him for quite a while.
Ryan was an example to me though. When he came home upset one day and told me what had happened, I said, "Why don't you tell him to stop being a jerk?!"
"Mom, I'm not going to be mean back to him. That won't solve anything," was his reply. He worked it out all on his own and remained a good friend all the while! I would like to say it was all my good mothering skills and example, but because of the a fore mentioned incident, you can rule that out.
Ryan has always been a good kid. He has encouraged his friends to be kind. He has chosen not to take part in the bullying. I can't say he was ALWAYS perfect at it, but for the most part, and especially now, he's done well. Ryan has a good heart. He reminds me a lot of my friend, Jenny. And of that I'm very proud! I couldn't ask for him to be anything better!
We were running after Angela. She had no where to go. All of a sudden she turned and ran under the big tree by the hill that you walked up after coming from lunch. She was cornered! No escape.
We ALL went barreling after her. But all of a sudden Jenny stepped out in front of Angela with her arms stretched out to protect her. She stood between us. She yelled something like this, "You guys are all mean! Leave her alone!" Jenny didn't back down. She stood there until we left.
As I walked away, a feeling of guilt started to overwhelm me. The thought came, "You know better than this. You should've been the one to stop them." I looked back at Jenny. She was still with Angela, making sure she was okay.
Jenny used to be my best friend. She was the first person who talked to me in 2nd grade. I instantly had a new friend. She protected me and made me feel comfortable. I remember having a bazillion sleepovers at her house and going to the video store with her mom to pick out movies. I road my first roller coaster with her at Worlds of Fun. So many fun memories, but now we barely talked to one another.
On that day I decided I would be more kind. I would like to say that I stood up to that group of friends, but I didn't. I did choose not to take part in the meanness. Unfortunately this was at the end of the year. I wish it had happened sooner. I would like to think I would have gotten the strength to apologize to Angela. I never did. It is a regret I hang on to.
In hopes to make up for it, I have stressed the importance of being kind and being a good friend to my own children. I believe they live this principle. They have a tender heart for those who feel left out and try to include everyone. They are not always perfect, especially with each other, but I have witnessed how they treat others outside my home.
I have had the opportunity to watch this play out in Ryan's life. He entered jr. high. I wasn't worried because he has a lot of friends. But what surprised me was how some of these friends changed. It was hard to hear of friends not standing up when they should have, or maybe believing others opinions about Ryan that were not true. Thankfully it has all been worked out. All is as it was before. But I will admit, my heart hurt for him for quite a while.
Ryan was an example to me though. When he came home upset one day and told me what had happened, I said, "Why don't you tell him to stop being a jerk?!"
"Mom, I'm not going to be mean back to him. That won't solve anything," was his reply. He worked it out all on his own and remained a good friend all the while! I would like to say it was all my good mothering skills and example, but because of the a fore mentioned incident, you can rule that out.
Ryan has always been a good kid. He has encouraged his friends to be kind. He has chosen not to take part in the bullying. I can't say he was ALWAYS perfect at it, but for the most part, and especially now, he's done well. Ryan has a good heart. He reminds me a lot of my friend, Jenny. And of that I'm very proud! I couldn't ask for him to be anything better!
1 comments:
Thanks so much for sharing that! I teared up because I was the one in elementary that was left out a lot. I remember mean words being said to me and feeling so hurt. Because of that experience I too try and include everyone and be everyone's friend now that I am older. Some the life's lessons are learned in those early years. It's hard watching our kids have to go through those things, but you should be very proud of Ryan. He handled it perfectly and has come away from that experience with great character!
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