Exhaustion

When I became a mother at 21, I was full of energy and ready for anything. I remember adjusting to life with a baby. I was happy and excited, but very scared and not quite sure if I was ready. I changed my attitude and everything became a new adventure.

Slowly (well, not really), we added to our family. Aaron came 20 months after Ryan. I had two boys! They were fun. So cute. They were little buddies. They loved each other like nothing I had ever seen before. I remember one time at church, Aaron wasn't quite big enough to reach the drinking fountain. I was huge and pregnant with Grace. I was really no help. Ryan took over. He got down on his hands and knees and motioned Aaron to get on his back. He would be his stepping stool. Aaron climbed on and steadied himself. Ryan waited patiently for his little brother, not bothered by Aaron playing in the water.

"You done?" Ryan asked in his little toddler voice. I remember it.

"Yup," J (Aaron) replied in his little voice- it's funny how I remember their voices. I can hear them in my head when I think about it.

J jumped down, they hugged and ran back to me. Ryan being J's stepping stool became a regular job until Aaron could reach himself. Ryan was always willing.








Grace joined our family 2 years and 16 days after Aaron. We were so happy for a girl. In fact Dustin informed me right after delivery, holding his baby for the first time, "Oh, Larae. We need another one." The nurse gave him an awful glare and scolded him for even mentioning such a thing to a woman who had just given birth. I didn't mind. I thought it was wonderful, even sweet. He loved his little girl that much. Dad's are different with their girls. I liked it.




We liked it so much we decided to give it another go ( I can't really say that, we never had a choice to when our children joined our family, they just came. What sane person would have 5 kids in 7 years?). Kate was born 2 years and 8 months later. I swore she was a boy! When it was time to have the ultrasound, I refused to find out the baby's sex. I wanted a surprise. Dustin begged me to find out, but I held my ground. That is, until he persuaded me 5 weeks before her birth! That's right, at 5 weeks I caved. He wanted to get rid of the things we didn't need (boy stuff). I didn't believe it when he told me. I knew this baby was a boy! I was wrong.





Seven months later, I would find out I was expecting, again. I was terrified. These kids would be 16 months apart. Holy cow, that was close. I was still trying to adjust to four kids. I suffered a little from postpartum, a pregnancy might just kick it into to hyper-drive.

A year and four months after Kate, Becca became part of our crazy bunch. And I was right, it didn't do much, but make the postpartum worse. I even recall blacking out at a four way stop. Don't know how long I was out for, but for a good minute+.





I will say I think I handled myself beautifully. I really can say that because not only was I tending to the needs of 5 children, 7 and under, I watched two kids on top of all of it. So I took care of 7 kids, all 7 years and under! Ryan was the oldest at 7. Then they all went 6, 5, 4, 3, 16 mo, and a newborn. WOW!

Life became a blur. I was stuck in one mode. I think, subconsciously, my motto became, "Just do it." Sorry Nike, but I think I blew your athletes away! I deserve that motto. I learned to just do and no whining was allowed, otherwise I would find myself miserable and depressed.

I'm starting to come out of that haze. 5 years later. And boy am I exhausted! Exhausted, but happy to be out of it. The kids are all very independent. They all do mostly for themselves. I still have 2 extra kids, but it is much easier now. I am finding I have a few opportunities to take time out for myself. Some of it happens during the day, most of it at night.

What do I do with it? Oh, a few things. I like Facebook, a lot! A little too much perhaps. I have this blog. I plan on learning how to sew (more about that later). But one of my favorite things is a nice, pleasant NAP! A little boring, but oh so needed. And oh so well deserved!