I did not grow up in Utah. In fact, my growing up years were evenly split between Arizona, Missouri, and Nevada. I loved moving around! Change does a heart good.
I have been begging Dustin to make a huge, out of state move for a while now. He refuses. I will die here in Utah. I have learned to put those feelings away and live life, but there is sadness about it in the back of my mind.
One of the greatest things to me was that wherever I went, after getting to know someone, I was always asked, "Are you Mormon?" I remember sitting in science class my 8th grade year and talking to another girl I had only known for about 15 minutes and she asked me this very question. I could name a bazillion more times, but I won't. My reaction was always the same: I'd get a big, huge grin and reply, shaking my head, "Yes, I am." I have been lucky to always have a positive response to my response.
When I came to Utah, I was escaping boys. My plan was to attend school, serve a mission, maybe join the Peace Corp (I always wanted to), get married, and then we would raise our family somewhere. Missouri was my place of choice. I never thought it would be Utah. If you are wondering why, I'll briefly fill you in.
Everytime we visited family we would of course attend their ward. Because I was young, I would end up in Sunday School and Young Women's group. I always felt odd. They would find out where I was from and it seemed to be weird. I also thought of them as kids who knew nothing of the "real" world. My thought was always, "I will never raise my family here." Before you hate me too bad, let me say, that I was wrong and through grown-up eyes can see how I was just as bad as they were.
Anway back to being in Utah...
I never thought that Heavenly Father would have such a different plan for me. I met Dustin 7 months after moving here. We were married 9 months later. I got pregant 4 months after marriage-not planned.That's how we roll- and I have not, YET, been able to attend college. Lastly, I doubt I will ever experience the Peace Corp. The closest thing might be a humanitarian mission which I would LOVE!!! I did try to talk Dustin into doing a service project when we were in Mexico last time, but he said another time and gave me the weirdest look...lol.
I found myself feeling sad about who I had become. I remember for years hating the fact that I had become someone cut from a cookie cutter. I was just like every other woman in Utah. It ate at my soul for a very long time. I was never asked about who I was. People knew. They'd see the cart full of children and know. When you are a busy mom of 5, the grocery store becomes a social place to meet new people. I thought I'd never hear the words, "Are you Mormon?" again. Sharing my differences was a thing of the past.
Fast forward 12 years. Yes. I said 12 years, that is how long this ate me away inside. It is now 2008. I started to get real about who I wanted to be and who I was expected to be. Through lots of prayer and self questioning, a new life was begining. For the first time I realized who I was as a Daughter of God and my very own purpose here. I was learning why I was put on the very path I was on. Being married so young AND to Dustin, taught me A lOT!! That is another post I might choose to share one day. I am forever changed because of him and it is for the better. My kids? I would not be who I am without them too. I learned young and quick to forget about myself and serve.
And about living in Utah...I have learned why it is so great here. There are so many wonderful people. I have great friends who are of my faith. There is strength in numbers. I also have new friends who are not of my faith. We have great talks about my faith and their faith. We respect one another for our differences and find happiness in our similarities. I never thought that would happen again. And, just the other day at a work party, where I am the only member of my church, I was having a great time talking and laughung. After about a 30 min conversation, my new friend, Manuel, asked,"Are you LDS?" To which I grinned, shook my head, and replied, "Yes!"
Would I still jump at the opportunity of moving? You betcha! But, I am loving where the Lord has me for now. I know that on the outside it appears I am just another mormon girl who fits the mold to a tee, but on the inside I know who I am. It is great to me that I was able to discover that in the middle of "Mormonville" and find out that there is no mold.
When I came to Utah, I was escaping boys. My plan was to attend school, serve a mission, maybe join the Peace Corp (I always wanted to), get married, and then we would raise our family somewhere. Missouri was my place of choice. I never thought it would be Utah. If you are wondering why, I'll briefly fill you in.
Everytime we visited family we would of course attend their ward. Because I was young, I would end up in Sunday School and Young Women's group. I always felt odd. They would find out where I was from and it seemed to be weird. I also thought of them as kids who knew nothing of the "real" world. My thought was always, "I will never raise my family here." Before you hate me too bad, let me say, that I was wrong and through grown-up eyes can see how I was just as bad as they were.
Anway back to being in Utah...
I never thought that Heavenly Father would have such a different plan for me. I met Dustin 7 months after moving here. We were married 9 months later. I got pregant 4 months after marriage-not planned.That's how we roll- and I have not, YET, been able to attend college. Lastly, I doubt I will ever experience the Peace Corp. The closest thing might be a humanitarian mission which I would LOVE!!! I did try to talk Dustin into doing a service project when we were in Mexico last time, but he said another time and gave me the weirdest look...lol.
I found myself feeling sad about who I had become. I remember for years hating the fact that I had become someone cut from a cookie cutter. I was just like every other woman in Utah. It ate at my soul for a very long time. I was never asked about who I was. People knew. They'd see the cart full of children and know. When you are a busy mom of 5, the grocery store becomes a social place to meet new people. I thought I'd never hear the words, "Are you Mormon?" again. Sharing my differences was a thing of the past.
Fast forward 12 years. Yes. I said 12 years, that is how long this ate me away inside. It is now 2008. I started to get real about who I wanted to be and who I was expected to be. Through lots of prayer and self questioning, a new life was begining. For the first time I realized who I was as a Daughter of God and my very own purpose here. I was learning why I was put on the very path I was on. Being married so young AND to Dustin, taught me A lOT!! That is another post I might choose to share one day. I am forever changed because of him and it is for the better. My kids? I would not be who I am without them too. I learned young and quick to forget about myself and serve.
And about living in Utah...I have learned why it is so great here. There are so many wonderful people. I have great friends who are of my faith. There is strength in numbers. I also have new friends who are not of my faith. We have great talks about my faith and their faith. We respect one another for our differences and find happiness in our similarities. I never thought that would happen again. And, just the other day at a work party, where I am the only member of my church, I was having a great time talking and laughung. After about a 30 min conversation, my new friend, Manuel, asked,"Are you LDS?" To which I grinned, shook my head, and replied, "Yes!"
Would I still jump at the opportunity of moving? You betcha! But, I am loving where the Lord has me for now. I know that on the outside it appears I am just another mormon girl who fits the mold to a tee, but on the inside I know who I am. It is great to me that I was able to discover that in the middle of "Mormonville" and find out that there is no mold.
1 comments:
I really enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing! You're awesome!
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