about womanhood
okay, so I have had a really hard time lately. Does anyone ever feel like me? Motherhood is so dang hard!! I feel at times that I make no contribution to society. I wonder what difference I really make. My kids really don't listen to me when I talk, so are they listening when I try to teach them? I feel like the maid. I never thought I would ever feel this way. I wanted to be the fun loving, cool mom. I feel I am far from that. The other day I was wearing some new jewelry and I asked Dustin if he noticed anything different. He didn't, but Aaron came in and said, "Mom, I noticed something different. You're in a good mood!" I laughed, but then I got scared. Is that what they really think of me? I hope not, I think he was being a smart mouth which he loves to be.
So, desperate to feel some peace, I found Sheri Dew's book No One Can Take Your Place, was it a godsend! I have really enjoyed reading it. I'm only on the fourth chapter(I am a person who does not enjoy reading). The value of woman is incalculable. It has inspired me to reach beyond my capabilities. How is this possible? Through the love of our Savior. He will make up the difference. I was put on this earth to make a difference, and with sincere prayer will know what he wants me to do with my life. I have decided that I will just leave it in the Lord's hands, and go where I am needed. Now I realize, right now that is as a mom in my own home, but it would be nice to be needed in someplace like Africa.
I recommend this book as a good boost when you are burnt out.
I have a few ideas of some things I want to do, we'll see how they go!
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5 comments:
You are a godsend. Thank you for that post! I had one of those days yesterday when I felt like I was barely keeping my head above water... and feeling like I was failing as a mother. I'm going to go get that book tomorrow! Its good to know that I'm not alone in my struggles to be a good mom and wife. We really need to do lunch!
Love ya, Rach
I'm at the beginning stages of your feelings about social contribution. I've gone through stages in regard to my role as a woman. First, I never EVER thought I would be the girl who gets married at 18. My dream before that was to go to college and write. I said I wouldn't cut my hair or shave my legs until I graduated. Then I was going to go on a mission, and when I got back, maybe join the Peace Corps. I remember, after being married for about 2 years, I was sitting at the table thinking about dinner when I had this scary epiphany, "I've been domesticated!" I think I went and jumped off the couch or on the bed right after in a "say it isn't so" type way. Now that I'm a mom, and almost a stay at home mom, I'm having a hard time trying to figure out who I'm supposed to be besides "wife and mother." I have an awesome job right now that I've already turned in my resignation for that has the potential to really affect change. I teach at an inner-city high school. It's what I always wanted from teaching. I hate it when people say, "You'll change the world by how you raise your kids," basically I'll raise big social contributors, but that's not all for me, I know it can't be. I'm only 22. It isn't time to through in the towel on my aspirations in hopes of accomplishing them through other people. The real point of this is that I've been thinking and praying a lot about what my place is going to be in the world. I know so deep down inside that I'm supposed to be at home with my child(ren), but I don't want to lose myself in the process. I'm supposed to be this nutty, free spirited woman...not "just" a cooker/cleaner who stares at the clock waiting for her husband to get home.
I swear motherhood blues is going around! i have been feeling it lately, and so many of my friends have also. I had one get on and read your post, just to show her we all feel it! It seems like motherhood is a roller coaster- sometimes low and sometimes high. We are told to make sure our cups are full, but it feels so selfish to take the time to ourselves and leave the kids. Also to not just leave the kids and hang out with firnds, but to make sure we are actually using our time to get a break and get sloser tot he spirit- but it is so HARD!! There is not enough time in the day to do this, I swear! It's amazing our mother had 11 kids and somehow we all survived! The book I am a Mother is GREAT also!!
I can definitely relate to your feelings. Mom's paydays don't come every two weeks like dad's do, and in my book, that really contributes to the challenge of motherhood. It feels so good to see the fruits of your labors. That's why I love to do jobs like pruning trees--there's an immediate and relatively "lasting" outcome after a little hard work (that's on my mind because I've been doing a lot of pruning lately). The fruits of our mothering labors may not come to full fruition until our child is 35years old and gets a great promotion or something else big that makes us proud. When it comes to raising children, "The days are long, but the years are short." I heard that quote recently and loved it because it is SO true. When I feel I don't mean that much to the world, it helps to remember that I mean the world to my kids. You mean the world to a lot of other people, too, Larae! Thanks for being an awesome friend! You're an amazing person!
I have more days like that than not. I read Confessions of an Unbalanced Woman. It's like a 30 minute read. Just to know that it's okay to be unbalanced as long as the most important things are in your home - love. Alissa is right, there is never enough time in a day. You will never be caught up without one of your parent-child relationships suffering. I live with things undone in my house because I can really only get things done at night. Even then, that's Ben's time. We have small kids so life feels choatic. I ask Ben all the time, "How did your mom do it?!" We should ask her..."What was the most important thing you did in raising your children?" You know what you contribute to socially Larae? A fine example of committment and perserverence. A woman who shows her children that you are there for them through it all and don't bail out when you don't recieve "what's in it for you". You're setting your posterity up to succeed. I looked at my daughter this morning and thought, how could she make it being sent here to earth all by herself except that she was born to a guide to love her and help her along the way.
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