Aching For My Daughter

I find it ironic that last night I was all positive and this next post is anything but! Such is the life of being a mother....

Occasionally I will steal my kids' handheld devices and take a peek at what's on them- I'm one of those moms. Tonight it was Grace's iPod.  I searched thorough it, all of it. It made me really, REALLY sad. It also left me mad and determined to do something for her.

After scrolling through an enormous amount of text messages (who knew 12 year-olds had so much to talk about), and even more Instagram posts, I discovered that my daughter doesn't think she's beautiful. Not only that, she's dying for someone to tell her! I thought this would be something I would never have to worry about because 1) her dad tells her all the time how pretty she is and 2) I never felt that way growing up, so she should too, right? WRONG!

This mom has just been schooled about kids "now-a-days" and how social media just might have more pull than you would like.

Holy cow! Kids are competitive!  Her text massages were nothing but preteen girls looking for the others' approval. 

"Oh, you're so gorgeous! I wish I was as beautiful as you- insert sad face"

"Oh whatever! You're sooooooooooooooooooo gorgeous- insert happy face"

or this one:

Please rate me! Above would be different things they can post to rate how great, how beautiful, how wonderful, blah, blah, blah, blah...

then I'd read a text:

"You're so lucky he put that for you. He didn't put anything for me. I wish he thought I was pretty."

My heart sank. I felt like I had failed my daughter. I never recall thinking I was not good enough or pretty enough. ME! I have always felt comfortable in my own skin. ME! The girl with the chubby legs, yellow teeth, and a slight mustache growing above her lip! These were all insecurities I had, but I always knew I was pretty. I'm 50 lbs heavier than I was in high school, but I still feel I'm pretty! So how can my daughter who is thin, has gorgeous green eyes, and totally lacking facial hair not feel that way?! How did she not get the message I was trying to send by always being confident, happy, and quiet about the weight I had gained?

I've decided that being a quiet example just might not be good enough now. Our kids have things screaming at them that they need to do better, be better, look better. I decided this mom needs to be louder than those ugly voices, text messages, or photo posts. 

So, I was!

It was 11:00 at night, but I marched to her room where she was sleeping and I woke her - it took a little while.

Me: Grace, do you not feel you're pretty?

Grace: (she shakes her head no)

Me: Why? What makes you feel that way?

Grace: I don't know. I just feel it sometimes.

Me: Grace, you are beautiful! Don't let anyone, or anything, make you feel differently. Who cares if some boy doesn't think you're pretty. All that matters is how you feel about yourself. I want you to start looking at yourself different. I want you to tell yourself how pretty you are. You don't need any one's approval. You are perfect the way your are! 

It was short and sweet and to the point. I think she got it. I hope she got it! If not, I don't know what else to do...I guess keep telling her. Eventually she'll believe me.

 

 

How does she not see it?