Learning About Myself (Again)

In high school I was fairly confident. I would share my opinion with anyone, still will just think a little more before I speak now. I considered myself capable of many things and wasn't afraid to try new things. I trusted myself.

Today, that's still me, just toned down a bit. The one thing I do notice is I don't trust myself like I used to. I ALWAYS second guess myself.

I know part of it comes from letting my husband do everything. Why not? He's great at everything. Another part of it comes with motherhood. We have these little lives that need so much. We forget about ourselves. It's understandable when most days we're just trying to survive.

I've been focusing on this lately. I want to be the person I used to be. I want to trust myself. I think what kicked this off was Dustin's new job. I have had to step up to the plate a whole lot more. By making decisions or doing things that he would normally do, I have gained more confidence. I'm enjoying these feelings. I'm even attempting wall paper stripping all on my own! (a big step for me)

As far as motherhood goes, it's still crazy. Some days I still feel like I'm treading water, but through prayer an the miracle of the Atonement, I'm slowly gaining confidence as a mom and being comfortable with that role. I know it sounds CRAZY to say that after 12 years, but I have struggled with balance this whole time.

I"m not there yet, but I'm getting there. I'm a work in progress.

Comments

Jennae said…
I am the exact same way.....I think starting the preschool has helped me alot too! If I just make myself do it without second guessing myself, I feel great afterwards.
Good luck bringing that YOU out and making time for yourself....you deserve it!!
April 9, 2010 at 10:58 PM
BrieAnn said…
I know this feeling, I know it well. Mine hasn't been so much because of Jake doing everything in my stead, but motherhood, oh glorious motherhood, has thrown me for a loop. I think women who become stay at home moms need a sort of transition. My life was full force in a career that I loved, and then bam! I'm home alone every day with this little person who I'm responsible for in every way. I think I'm instinctively a good mom/nurturing person, but I am a horrible steward of my own time. I forget about the things I (if I could make the 'I' gigantic, I would) need to nurture myself, the things I loved to do that made me a well rounded person. The things I could still be doing if I was better at structure. ;)

All in all, I'm working on similar end goals specific to my situation. I wish us luck.
April 10, 2010 at 6:20 AM
Kristin said…
I love that we can all be a "work in progress" together! I'm so glad you shared your new growth and confidence in this post!
April 22, 2010 at 6:47 PM
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