A New Year, A New Me!

I've had a lot on my mind lately. I've been wanting to write it all down, but my current life has made that almost impossible. Our ward split a few months ago and I was called to be the 2nd counselor in the Primary. I love the Primary, but building one from scratch is quite the feat! I'm just glad not to be the President! I have been so busy that I have realized how much I miss being with my family- not having a calling for 6 weeks was like a vacation!! I've been gone more than usual and when I'm home, I'm not really "home" because I have things I've got to get done. It has been exhausting!

Yesterday, Ryan turned 16. We took him to dinner the night before to celebrate. At dinner, I asked him if he had a 5 year plan. He surprised me with one- as vague as it was. But hey, it was a plan! He planned to graduate in 3 years and serve a mission at 18. When he got home, he wanted to get a job to pay for college. Pretty good plan. I was glad there was no mention of marriage- that will come soon enough. I was also surprised to hear that he wanted to go on a mission at 18. We have told him that just because they lowered the age, doesn't mean he has to go at that age. He said he wanted to though.

As we were cutting his cake yesterday, I was overwhelmed that he was as old as he was and that my baby would be 1 in a few more days. Time really does go quickly. It's amazing while you're in the hard moments they seem to drag on, but looking back now, it all went so fast!

I decided I wanted to be more present in the now. It's passing me by and I feel I'm not enjoying it like I should. Life is like that, I know. Maybe there's something I can do about it. We will see.

Not only do I want to be more aware, I want to make it better. Some days I end the day with the thought, "I survived another day." I don't want to survive my days anymore! I want to live them! I want to live them with a purpose...like I used to! I gave myself the year off when I had Britten. That year is gone. I now have a new year before me. I hope that I am able to take the days in this year and truly enjoy them. I want to be the mom I once was.The best thing about a new year is the chance to start over. I'm starting over.

For the past few years I have chosen a word to focus on. This year my word will be:

 Live

I'm going to plan on living. No more surviving, no more enduring, only living. The soul that has been resting for the last little while is awakening. And I'm excited about it! Bring on 2014! I'm ready!