We just have to have the faith to find it and rely on it.
I was driving in my car after exchanging some shoes. It was nice to be by myself. I love it because I get to listen to my music and not Tuppertunes. It's nice to have some quiet to reflect and just be able to think clearly without screaming in the background.
We all have struggles. They come in different ways, none the less we all have them. Maybe it's self-esteem, marriage issues, concerns about children, or maybe just the daily grind. I think a lot of times they leave us overwhelmed, not sure of what to do, and with a feeling of hopelessness. I have felt this many times. I seem to wind up having a pity me party. I would say right now the daily grind is getting to me. I don't know if it is because of summer, or what. I have just had a feeling of being overwhelmed and not being able to keep up.
So, I was listening to a song (I love Batdorf and McLean). Here's how the lyrics went:
It's too heavy what I carry.
Every night the dream's the same, though I've tried it doesn't change.
The load's too heavy and I'm weary from the journey.
Then from a silent place within, I hear something say-
When you've given your all and it's not enough,
when the journey's too far and the road's too rough.
And you've looked inside and there's nothing left
there is still hope if you only see.
There's a light at the end of this endless road,
filled with love strong enough to lift any load.
And it's so easily done for you,
why is it so hard for you... to believe.
I ended up in tears because I felt like that last line was a slap in the face, a good slap. The reason my "road" is so tough sometimes is because I try to carry my load by myself. I lack the faith and trust (sometimes) that my Heavenly Father knows me, is aware of me, and that His son will help me.
I have been given a wonderful gift. That gift was the Atonement. It is a gift that I have to be willing to use. I have to come to Him and ask for help. Isn't it amazing how we sometimes make that step seem so hard. We either feel we are not worthy of it, or lack the faith that He will do what He has said He would do. The Adversary makes us feel that way, I think. He does not want us to take one step forward in that direction.
We have been placed here to prove ourselves. Sometimes a lot of that is enduring. That might seem unbearable, but really it's not. Our Father's Plan took care of that. He made it easy. All we have to do is ask. We make it hard when we are not willing, or able, to believe.
I have decided to find that strength and hope. It would be an awful journey if I decided otherwise. I hope you all choose the same.
3 comments:
I know just how you feel and you are absolutely right. When I feel overwhelmed I try and slow things down a bit and pray often. We could get together soon. Let me know. The kids would love getting together. Did you go to VB? I was so tired after cleaning up my flooded yard after that horrible storm. Hang in there and remember you have friends to help you through as well!!!
Larae,
I am so thankful for the things you write. It's Sunday and I'm looking at the date of your post thinking, "Come on people, why is it taking you so long to read this?!" Because there was just one response before mine. I'm actually a regular subscriber to your blog. If I come and see that there is a post I missed, I scroll down and read everything to catch myself up on you. I asked Ben, "How well do you think you know your brothers and sisters as adults?" He said, "As well as you could I guess. Why?" I said, "Because your sister Larae is a really good person. She is continually trying to improve herself through the gospel."
Anyway, in response to your summer blues, I let things get messy knowingly. I don't try to keep everything perfectly clean because I know that my house isn't going to be this way forever. My kids are small and I want to spend as much time with them as possible without being stressed out. So I hang with them watching movies, getting popcorn on the floor, using couch pillows to make forts, etc. Sometimes Ben gets distgusted and irritable from the house being messy so we'll spend half of our Saturday cleaning. It's all worth it to me.
I cry when I read your blog! Your such a beautiful person and it shows through your writing! Every time I read your stuff it encourages me to be a better person! Thanks Larae for sharing your heart with us! We love you!
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