Feeling Wanted

Every stay-at-home mom has those days (maybe longer) when you just don't feel as though you matter, make a difference, or even count sometimes (if you never do, please don't tell me). The monotony sometimes swallows me up and I assume I'm trapped, stuck, forever in it.

Last week I received a phone call from a former employer. When I was 19, I worked for a daycare. I was the preschool teacher and I loved it! The kids were always so happy to be there, most of the time. The daycare was located in a lower-income area. Some of the kids' needs were not met as well as they should have been. I remember sitting and brushing their hair getting them ready for the day. On a number of occasions I would end up driving some home for the mom. I cared about these kids! Anyway, back to my story...

She called me wondering If I would consider coming back for half a day, 8-12. I was flattered by the offer but quickly came up with reasons why I couldn't. She said she understood, but would love if I came to see what she has done with the center and chat with her a while. I agreed.

When I arrived, I couldn't believe how much had changed. She had greatly improved the facility and as I walked around I was thinking how great it was for the kids. We went into her office and talked. She told me how great she thought I would be. She had remembered that I loved teaching. She was right, I did love teaching. She told me the pay would be about $800/mo. Who couldn't use an extra $800? She also would allow me to bring my daughter and my nephew& niece, who I already watch, free of charge. Very tempting.

I told her I would give it a lot of thought and talk it over with my husband, gave her a hug, and left.

Dustin and I tossed the idea around all weekend long. We thought how nice the extra money would be, if his sister didn't mind. We could probably afford to build the house we've been hoping for. We started getting a little excited. Then reality set in.

Having a job would be more demanding of my time. It would also take me from home. Even though the kids would be with me, they wouldn't have my full attention. I would have to give up my gym in the morning. I would have somebody telling me what to do. My schedule would no longer be flexible to my liking. The list went on and on. I was now confused.

I prayed to know. Nothing. What does that mean? Prayed some more and still the same feeling. Now I'm even more confused and a little frustrated. "What should I do?" That's the thought that kept nagging at me all weekend long.

Sunday night, after all family had left, Dustin and I were able to talk about it again. Monday came. She needed her answer today. I was still going crazy. I hadn't talked to Dustin's sister, or the mom of the baby I watch part time. I really didn't know what to do.

I have always planned on working when my kids were older, not because I would have too, but because I enjoy it. I couldn't think of a better part time job to have when I start school. It would be so nice and I know they would be flexible. I needed to clear my head, so I went to the gym.

When I got back, I asked Dustin what he thought. He said this, (I will never forget it):

"Larae, it's funny. While you were gone I missed you. Then I started thinking about you having to be gone everyday. I love it when you are here. It's nice."

That was all I needed. I called her and said, "Not this time, but maybe in the future."

One day I would like to find myself in the workforce again, but the feeling of being wanted and needed in my home out weighs everything!

A New Calling and Family Memories

The busyness of last week is still fresh in my mind and I don't want to forget any of it.

On the 4th we were called into our Stake President's office. Dustin was extended a new calling. We were both shocked! We were very comfortable with him as our ward's Young Men's Secratary. The perfect calling to fit his sometimes crazy schedule and it allowed him to be home.

By Tuesday everything had sunk in. Our week was going better. Wednesday came and then Thursday. We went to dinner and did temple sealings with our good friends the Kimballs. They are always fun and we love catching up.

Friday, I was excited! My family was coming into town for the mission farewell of my niece and nephew. My mom and sister, Robyn, stayed with me Friday night. We attended our annual ward Christmas party. Robyn really enjoyed a guitar solo of Jingle Bells. After it was over, she leaned in and said, "Larae, did you hear what he put in at the end?" I told her I didn't catch it. She said, " He played: Jingle Bells, Batman smells. Robin laid an egg." She thought he was so clever. It was my chuckle for the day.

Saturday I took Robyn shopping for Christmas. We went to Seagull Book. She loves to read LDS fiction. My mom came with us. Later that night we all met at Temple Square to see the lights. I wish I had remembered to pack my camera.

You would have gotten a laugh out of our group. There were 30+ 0f us trying to wander through the huge crowds with a wheelchair. Many times we had to wait for others to catch up. Eventually we all decided we had seen enough and went back to my van for hot chocolate and donuts. I will say that was the best part.

Sunday we all woke up to get ready for the farewell. Dustin and I snuck into our ward so he could be sustained as the new Stake Young Men's President. No more gliding by for us. He will be busy and it will require A LOT of his time, but we're up for the challenge.

We were all ready by noon and headed up to Kaysville, UT. Sydnee and Trevor gave excellent talks on the scripture, John 14:15, "If ye love me, keep my commandments." They are so ready and will serve the Lord well.

I was sad to see my family go. It always breaks my heart to say goodbye. It's hard living so far away. However, I am grateful. Because we don't see eachother everyday, each moment we share is not taken for granted. I am thankful for all the memories we make together.

Our week kept us on out toes for sure, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

A Time for Thanksgiving

Autumn is my favorite time of the year. I love to wear sweaters, boots, and jackets. But, I also love Thanksgiving. I've always wanted a neat tradition for this holiday, but have always struckout. Most retailers skip this holiday, so not much out there for it.

A couple months ago my sister-in-law, Wendy, called me and asked if I wanted to make a "Blessings Jar." I had never heard of this. She expalined it to me. This is a Blessings Jar:



During the whole month of November you place this jar anywhere you want. At a specific time, or whenever, each day you write something you are thankful for. You do this until Thanksgiving. On Thanksgiving Day, you open it up and read the blessings. Simple.

I was excited to try this. With Wendy's help, I made my jar. I chose to place it at our kitchen table. And every night at dinner, we each took a turn to write something we are grateful for. My kids looked forward to it and did it without being reminded. On Thanksgiving we popped it open. Here are some of the things our family was grateful for:

- family: brothers, sisters, parents, cousins, grandmas, and grandpas, aunts and uncles
- our children
Ryan's good example, Aaron's willingness to help, Grace's sweetness, Ktes's happy smile, and Becca's energy
- our dog, Ace
- firends
- teachers
- an education
- church
- school
- the scriptures
- the temple
- Jesus
- a prophet
- faith
- shoes
- food
- the Earth
- cars
- bugs
- our house
- our bedrooms
- toys
- TV (it had to be said)

I'm thankful for the opportunity to have done this. It was a nice addition to our Thanksgiving.

This year we were able to have dinner at our house. We were lucky to celebrate with Dustin's parents and his brother, Spencer, and his wife, Ally. Grandma Nelson, Dustin's grandma, also joined the fun. We tried something new to the turkey, we fried it! Oh my goodness. It was YUMMY!! We were all stuffed to the core!! Good food. Good company. What more could you ask for?

15 years

On November 16th I celebrated 15 years of marriage. I am so grateful for my marriage to Dustin. It has been a happy marriage. We have had our trials for sure and I'm sure I wasn't happy going through them, but I am thankful for them and who they have helped me to become.

I have learned a great deal being married to Dustin. I have said before how different we are. But his strengths are clearly my weaknesses. My strengths fill in the gaps where he is lacking. I feel this is what marriage is truly about. You work together to make eachother better and happy. It takes lots of work, dilligence, and a willing to sacrafice. The rewards in the end are worth it. If you do it right, you are better for loving eachother.

I am so thankful for the children that have blessed our home. They each carry a little piece of Dustin and I. It is fun to watch those traits appear (most of the time). Because of them Dustin and I work harder to make things work. We talk about the things we will do after they are gone, but it makes us sad to even think of it. So for now we will enjoy the time we have with them.

This year's celebration I will always remember. We had a horrible experience at dinner, but we laughed all the way through it. We were also able to slip away for the night to the Salt Lake City Marriot. It snowed during the night. We watched from the 10th floor as people ice skated below in the falling snow. We talked about living downtown. I felt it would be an adventure. He wasn't fond of the idea. He gave me beautiful flowers and wrote me the sweetest, cry-my-eyes- out letter.

I love you Dustin and I look forward to many more happy, hard working years together. As long as it is that way, I think we will always appreciate what we have worked for.

35

This month I turned 35. I'll be honest, I was scared. I could no longer round down to thirty. I now had to round up. That made me closer to forty. YIKES!!

When Dustin and I were new in our ward, I was 23 and he was 25. We were the young bucks. I remember going to dinner with some friends and they were talking about turning 35. I was thinking in my head, " Oh my gosh. That's so old!" I couldn't even imagine 35. I was trying to think of the things I might be doing, but I couldn't! It seemed so very far away.

Well, here it is. I'm totally there. And I'm okay. My body, at times, feels its age, but mostly I feel as if I"m still in my 20s. And when people ask me my age and the age of my children, I tell them. They always respond with absolute shock and a, " You don't even look that old!"

Inside my head I give a little chuckle and mutter, "Just you wait. You'll be here sooner than you think!"

It comes so fast!!! I just hope to keep out running it (with the help of my dear friend, Oil of Olay, that is)!

October is over.

This month seemed to scream by. I hate it when that happens because I feel like I never really enjoyed that time. Don't get me wrong, I try to find happiness in each moment, but it seems life quickly, and abruptly, carries me to the next moment, never getting a chance to exhale and relish in what just happened. Is it just me?

Well, anyway here are some of the things we did in October:

October 8th, I ran in my first ever race. A few friends and I had been running and getting ourselves ready for the 6K (3.72 mi) run. It was fun "training" -totally can't say I trained because it almost sounds like I'm professional or something, which I'm not - and I really enjoyed being with friends.

me before

we're a little excited, can you tell?

Every fall the ladies in Dustin's family get together and celebrate fall birthdays. It's kind of nice because we are all in October, November, and May. So, in spring we celebrate May birthdays. We had lunch at Gardner Village. Yummy!

G Nelson, Wendy, Lori, Taryn, Shandi, Ally, and me

We had fun getting ready for Halloween. I let the kids pick what they wanted to be this year. Normally I try to convince them to pick something we already have. But it was fun to shop with them and have them pick out what they wanted to really be. It took a whole lot more work too, but that's okay.

Aaron was a SWAT member (preteens don't like their pictures taken, just so you know)

Grace was a millionaire

Kate was Hermione Granger

Becca was a cheerleader, she learned a cheer and everything!

Ryan was nothing. He's 8th grade now.

We had our annual FHE pumpkin picking night too. That was fun. We only ever pick two pumpkins, one for the boys and one for the girls. This year they did them all by themselves. And I'm pleased to report I took pictures of picking the pumpkins out, but not any of the final product, terrible mom! Afterward we went to A&W and slurped up some root beer floats.

root beer fun

After typing this up it doesn't seem we were all that busy. I think a lot of the busyness came from the kids being off-track all month long and Dustin working like crazy. Whatever it was, I hope it slows down so I can really enjoy the next upcoming holidays... A girl can dream anyway,right?

Off Track Chaos

When my kids are off track, things are interesting. And hard. I don't want anyone to think that I don't enjoy having my children around because I do. They make life, like I said, interesting. In one day I will have nagged, plead, screamed, cried... and ironically laughed. Did I say in one day? Oh. Well, I meant one hour. Then it repeats over and over during the day.

Trying to keep kids entertained is hard work. It gets trickier the older I get, the older my kids get. I can't even begin to count how many times I hear, "Mom, I'm bored. What can I do?"

I think to myself, "How can you be bored? You're a kid. I don't remember being bored as a kid." But what I really say is, "Well, what would you like to do?"

They follow it up with the old famous, "I don't know."

Can I just tell you how much I hate that phrase? It accompanies EVERYTHING!

"Who made this mess?"

"I don't know."

"Why did you do that?"

"I don't know."

"Who got this out?"

"I don't know."

"What do you want to do?"

"I don't know."

I HATE IT!

So in order to avoid this, when we are off track, I try to plan a few activities. We'll go to the park, the library, and a movie if they are really good. If I were a really good mom, I'd make them read or something, but I don't like it, so why would I make them do something like that. I guess they could practice math and stuff, but they really don't want to and I really don't feel like starting an argument or tantrum.

You can understand my astonishment when the whole house was quiet. Not a sound. I came downstairs and found that my kids had gotten an empty box and made this:

They thought of it all themselves. They saw the box just sitting there and used their little imaginations to create something. And most importantly, they found something to do! On their own. My heart was screaming, "YAY!!"

Aaron and Grace were the designers. Kate, Becca, and their cousin, Noah, benefited from their artistic abilities. Aaron even wrote a little play that they performed for me.

I love it when they use their own creativity. And I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE it when I don't have to do the thinking!!

*Thanks Aunt Alissa for the game that came in the box. Because of that we had a really fun game to play and an empty box lying around.

Priesthood Session

All my boys were able to attend the General Priesthood Session of Conference this year. I can't believe how old my boys are getting!

This is the conversation as I was trying to take a picture:

Me: "Boys, stand here and wait for Dad."
Ryan:" Mom! Do we really have to take a picture?"
Aaron: "Just wait and see. Dad won't let her take one."

Dustin walks outside.

Boys: "Dad, Mom wants us to take a picture." (most whiniest voice possible)
Dustin: "Boys turn around and humor your mother."

And I got my picture!

A Slumber Party With 10 year-olds

Grace turned ten!

I promised her 2 years ago when she turned 10, she could finally have a slumber party. She never forgot that promise. She was so excited! That excitement faded, however, as one by one each mother called to let me know their family doesn't do sleepovers. After a little talking too, she was happy again. We made the most of her late night birthday party, and 2 girls were allowed to stay the night. That made her happy!


sleeping bag race

making a wish

Grace is turning into such a beautiful young lady. She is such a big help around the house and with her sisters. I am amazed at her ability to be obedient. She is ten and never misses a night reading her scriptures and having her personal prayers. I can ask her to do something and she does it. She reminds me so much of her dad. She is very dependable and responsible. I am so grateful for her!







Happy Birthday, Grace!

September

The month of September always sneaks up on me. I'm sure it's because of the summer rush. I'm always happy to see it, September that is, though it brings with it more busyness in the Merritt household.

In this month we celebrate 3 birthdays. Not 1, not 2, but 3!!! If I was a mom who threw my kids a friend birthday party every year, holy cow! No time, no money. Good thing I'm not that mom. It's not because I don't want to. If I had the means, and let's be honest, the ENERGY, I totally would. After recovering from school shopping, the idea of throwing a huge birthday party with screaming, wound-up kids doesn't thrill me. So, I do it every other year. And I like that.

This year was an off year for Becca. She was so sad not being able to have a friend party, so we did this to cheer her up:










Her own personal photo shoot. Who doesn't like feeling like a super model? And it was fun!

She chose to bring cookies for her class to celebrate. Sugar cookies in the shape of apples with red sprinkles.

Her Grandma Lori took her to dinner. She chose "circle pizza" at the Target concession stand, that's what she wanted. Oh, an she had a Slurpee. She had to have a Slurpee! After eating, they went to pick her gift, Squinkies and a handbag she gets to color and decorate herself. She's finished it. It's "gorgeous".

From Aunt Taryn and Aunt Shandi she received a gift card and money. We have another shopping trip planned this week.

From Mom and Dad she got a scooter. She picked it out. And we still have yet to have cake and ice cream, but we will. Birthdays last all month long around here.

*Grace and Aaron were born in this month too. Their birthday updates will follow. We are still planning their friend parties. We're late, but that's how we roll when September comes around.

The Not Bummer Summer

My kids are in year-round school. This has its advantages, but definitely comes with some disadvantages. One {dis}advantage is the short summers. We have three weeks before the next school year starts.

I try to cram a lot into those weeks, hoping it's a successful summer. My plan usually includes two outings a week and then lots of park days. Our park days were few because of the crazy weather pattern this year. Our Summer actually felt like Spring. It would've been really nice if it had not been for the amount of rain we got. I'm not complaining, I know others were lacking in water, but when you're trying to fill the {long} days of Summer, it can be a little frustrating.

We were able to do some fun stuff though. Our outings included: bowling, the movies, the library, and swimming. We went swimming every Friday and we would do one of the other activities on another day of the week. I always forgot my camera, so I have no pictures.

We did however have two really fun trips. We went to the Bingham Copper Mine and we took a hike up to Donut Falls in Big Cottonwood Canyon. Here are some pictures from those trips:

The Bingham Canyon Mine



The open pit

We road on great big tour bus from the parking lot. It was about a 10 minute drive. The kids loved it!





So notice in these pictures Becca is getting all cuddly with what ever we are taking pictures of. The tire picture I made her turn around, but thrust me she is still trying.



This is what she looked like when I asked her to stop. I just ruined her day.


Donut Falls Hike

It took us about an hour to hike and come down the trail. We really enjoyed being out in nature with our good friends, the Corderos. The kids all had a good time and there was no complaining!



We saw a moose on the way up. I couldn't get the greatest picture. I really didn't feel like getting charged.



The wild flowers were everywhere!



Can you see the water fall in the back? The water was high so, we couldn't hike in.








We enjoyed our summer break. It went fast, but it seems to go faster every year!

Remembering 8/26/2011

I wanted to blog this on the Friday, but I ran out of hours in my day. I didn't want to forget what happened and how I felt though, so just pretend with me! :)

Today has been a trying day for me. Dustin has been gone all week for SWAT training, so I have been really stressed. I have not felt good all week.

Ryan has been the number one priority on my mind. He has been acting like a teenager lately. No surprise because he is one, but surprising to me because he has always been a good kid. He is a good kid, just annoyed by his family, I guess. Doesn't want to be with us much. It kind of hurts my feelings. I think we're a pretty cool family. He told his friend, Nathan, today that we embarrass him. Not sure how. I guess it is something I will have to get used to.

I'm sick and tired of feeling yucky. I have had neck and back pain for way too long. I finally have an appointment to get checked out. Hopefully it is not too serious. It seems it gets really bad when I start my period. I hate that too. Love being a woman, except for that one week of the month!

My fridge is driving me nuts! It needs to be cleaned out, I just haven't had the chance. I opened it this evening and the sour cream container wanted to escape, I guess. It jumped out of the fridge, fell to the floor, and burst open. We had sour cream everywhere. That was the third spill of the day and I just lost it. I wanted to retire for the night, but no one to tag team. :(

After dinner was cleaned up- which went fast because my 13 year-old son who doesn't like us helped- Dustin showed up! Everyone ran out side to greet him. I had a new surge of energy and he was a sight for sore eyes!

We were all sitting in the living room enjoying Dad. Becca came up to me with a note:

to: MoM
From: BeccA

Mom I hAve A fAvorite color And it is green.
What is your's?

I wrote:

Becca, my favorite color is green too! I have a favorite toe. It is on my right foot. It is the third toe. Do you have a favorite toe?

Becca wrote:

MY fAvorite toe is on MY Jeft Foot. it is the second toe.

We giggled and I wrote:

Oh, alright. I will remember to kiss it goodnight!

I was so thankful for that note because it made me laugh and got me out of my incredibly bad mood. My kids could tell and suggested a movie. We let them pick. They picked a family home video, my favorite one! We watched the year 2004. Kate's birth is on that one. It reminded me to let Dustin know I wasn't pregnant. We were worried.

When the fhv was done we packed the truck with blankets and pillows and headed over to our stake center. We spent the rest of the evening enjoying our Stake movie night.

Maybe being a woman this week wasn't so bad. Not when I've got such a good family. They can turn a yucky day into a great day. I'm so thankful for that.

Family Motto

I have said before that I love quotes. I love them so much at one point my collection started taking over my half of the bedroom (yes, our room is equally divided). I think I love them so much because I am not an eloquent speaker. My thoughts get all jumbled in my head and they never come out of my mouth right. So, when I hear something so well spoken, I save it!

One of my favorite quotes sits over our heads at the dinner table.

"Be true to who you are and the family name you bear."
~ Gordon B Hinckley ~

It sits there so we see it everyday. We will continue to see it until we move. My thought in doing this was by reading it everyday, which we do, we might think twice before we choose to do something that goes against our family standards. When I first put it up there, it was the first thing out of my kids' mouths every morning and they would say it out loud at dinner time. I never told them they had to read it, they just did. Now, I just see them mouth the words, but it's still making them think.

Kate asked me yesterday, "Mom what's a family name?"
I responded, "You don't know our family name?"
"Yes, I do. It's Merritt! Well, what does the 'be true to who you are' part mean?"
I asked her, "Kate, whose daughter are you?"
"Yours," she said.
"And?" I replied.
"Dad's," she answered.
"AND?" I asked a little louder.
"Heavenly Father's," she shouted to make sure I heard her.
"That's right. If you don't remember anything I ever taught you, you remember that because that is the most important thing you could ever know."
"Why?" (such an inquisitive mind!)
I waited a minute to think my answer through. I had all these things that I felt she needed to know, but how do you say it in 7 1/2 year-old language? I simply said, "Because if you know you are a Daughter of God, you should act like a Daughter of God."

That seemed good enough for her, so I left it at that. But it got me thinking.
Am I wrong to expect so much out of her? Out of my kids?

I came to the conclusion, no. I think I'm doing her a favor. When I was growing up, I was known as a Taylor. For those who don't know my parents, they are pretty remarkable people. They left an imprint wherever they went. Because of that imprint, there were expectations of me. I was expected to act a certain way. I felt that saved me on a number of occasions. I wasn't perfect, believe me, but I did think twice before I did something.

I realize this can have an opposite effect as well. It was hard to live up to those expectations and when I fell short, I felt awful. But that's where my parents stepped in. They acknowledged the mistake, but they never shamed me. I always felt loved and encouraged to keep trying. I was ALWAYS a part of the family. And I ALWAYS knew who I was.

That is what I desire for my children. I just hope I can do it.